Knowing your partner turn-ons is NOT the same as knowing what they fantasize about! Sure you may know where to touch them seconds before an orgasm, but how familiar are you with what goes through their head?
Truth be told, most of us have never shared our fantasies with our partners. And if you think you have, ask yourself just how honest you were in detailing what your fantasy is about? What we end up sharing is often an edited vanilla version of an original script.
The editing process takes place for a variety of reasons, with the primary being – fear! Sharing fantasies can be a risky business. It can also be a rewarding one leading to a more intimate, sexually satisfying life!
Admit it, most of us don’t like to gamble, especially when it comes to our sexual life. We are terrified that our inner fantasies may backfire. But remember, remaining in the same status quo of your sexual routine can also have it disadvantages.
To help you out, here are 4 steps to guide you on how to turn a scary risky business into a profitable investment!
1. Before you share, set guidelines.
To minimize misunderstandings on what about to happen – be clear on what your objectives are. In other words, are you planning to simply learn what each others private sexual fantasies are? Or are you creating a menu of the type of sexual activities you both would like to try? Setting clear guidelines is important. Last thing you want is to come home and find your partner re-enacting their fantasy in hopes that you reciprocate.
2. Test the waters.
Hopefully you know your partner pretty well by the time you decide to share your deepest desires. While I don’t intend on having you practice caution to the extent of turning your sexy, steamy, fantasy into an unexciting sharing experience, I do want you to be considerate. If not sure, test the waters. Float the idea in a general way and see how your partner responds. Seeing a sexual scene in a movie that relates to your fantasy? Ask your partner, “What did you think of that?
3. Don’t get literal!
OK, so your partner is sharing descriptive details of their fantasies and they can see your eyes get wider and wider. Relax! Not everyone truly desires to act on their sexual fantasies or to re-enact in exact detail. Fantasies are more likely to be symbolic! Some women fantasize about being forced into sex not because they desire to be victims of sexual abuse but because underneath the context, they wish to be dominated. Some of the straight men fantasize about anal intercourse not because they are sexually attracted to men but because they find analingus desirous! The bottom line, ask each other questions to get a clearer understanding of the symbolic behind the meaning.
4. Remember intent!
I am a big proponent of sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner with intent of enhancing intimacy and sexual life. Consider intent or how it can be perceived prior to sharing. If your fantasy is about a real person in your life – your neighbor, your co-worker, or your friend, I don't suggest telling your partner about it. Sharing fantasies involving real people in your life can often lead to making your partner feel hurt, insecure, and rejected.