From our parents, to our peers, to society, television, books, and even ‘his’ and ‘hers’ bathroom sinks – we are taught that monogamy is the norm. To desire and seek one other person – our ‘soulmate’ – the one person who will make us whole.
Most people almost never question the concept of monogamy. Why would they? The construct is so socially and culturally embedded within us – it's a fact! Some argue monogamy is innate among humans. I believe monogamy is a social construct.
This post is not about monogamy – that's right – we have too much information on that. Just open a magazine ad to see monogamy spring to life! Let’s look the other way, toward polyamory.
Polyamory is not as widespread as monogamy is in today’s society. As a result, many people are misinformed. Clueless! Or have wrong ideas on what polyamory is and isn’t. Here are the most common questions asked about polyamory.
WHAT IS POLYAMORY?
According to urban dictionary, polyamory is the practice, state, or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.
ISN’T POLYAMORY JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR CHEATING?
Absolutely NOT! Polyamorous relationships are based on open, honest communications. Whereas cheatings – as we all know – is most certainly not ‘honest’ nor ‘open’! Polyamory requires partners to talk about all aspects of their relationships. What they want. How they feel. What the expectations are.
DOESN’T POLYAMORY MEANS YOU LOVE YOUR PARTNER(S) LESS?
Our culture dictates that having sexual and/or romantic feelings for more than one person means you don’t love your partner. This just isn’t the case! Many of us have experienced romantic feelings for another person. And those who have, know that don’t mean you love your partner any less.
Research shows no evidence that monogamy is better in terms of relationship longevity, happiness, health, sexual satisfaction, or emotional intimacy. There is also no evidence that polyamory is better. The reality is that each person is different. People should be able to go with what feels better for them – whether – monogamy or polyamory!
ISN’T POLYAMORY A WAY TO AVOID COMMITMENT?
How is that even possible? Considering you went from a relationship with one person to two? Talk about an increase in commitment! Plenty of polyamorous relationships are very serious and stable. And believe me – if anything – there is more commitment. Why? Because successful polyamorous partners communicate relentlessly and that's takes commitment. Communication is the only way to ensure that everyone’s needs are met and no one is feeling jealous or left out.
ISN’T POLYAMORY JUST A WAY TO GET MORE SEX?
Oh yeah, they want to have endless amounts of sex! Seriously? We all know that one doesn't have to be in polyamorous or monogamous relationship to achieve that. And let’s not misplace the word ‘relationship’! That’s right! Polyamorous people tend to engage in intimate and attached relationships – and not – just sex.
While polyamory, just as monogamy, might not be for everyone – understanding what it is and isn’t – is important. Information is power! It enables us to be free of prejudice and judgment.
The Truth About Polyamory. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-without-limits/201304/the-truth-about-polyamory
Definition of polyamory. Urban Dictionary. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Polyamory
Dare to bare and share – has this changed your thoughts on polyamory? Do you think we should be more open to the idea of polyamory?
I highly recommend reading “The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, & Other Adventures” by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy!