How to Get Unstuck from a Negotiation Stalemate!
Dr. Z addresses the losing game of bargaining and negotiating with yourself—a pattern incredibly common for trans adults facing one of the biggest challenges: by the time you decide to do something about gender dysphoria, you've built an ecosystem (career, family, children, relationships) that revolves around masculine male identity. You realize that addressing dysphoria may destabilize this ecosystem, leaving parts behind.
What bargaining looks like: “Just one more month. If I can tolerate dysphoria, maybe I can do another month." "My dysphoria is bad because of politics—if politics change, it'll go away, so I'll wait." "Maybe I'll do a little in secrecy, and nobody has to know." "Maybe low-dose hormones, but I'll never tell my partner."
Back and forth, back and forth. Never reaching a conclusion. Never coming to an agreement. Only leading you astray, wasting precious time.
The problem: You're negotiating with yourself—you're both a salesperson and a customer. Neither side puts parameters in place, so you run in circles. The trap? Bargaining feels like you're actively solving the problem, but instead, you're hoarding anxiety, and nothing gets resolved.
In this video, Dr. Z addresses:
Why bargaining is seductive (makes you believe you're doing something). How fear keeps you stuck (catastrophized projections, internet horror stories). Why your ego thinks one small step means "point of no return" (it doesn't—transition isn't like Miss Congeniality). The powerful 3-month strategy to break the stalemate by giving your ego a limited timeframe with a beginning and an end.
