"I Don't Deserve to Transition" - Where This Belief Comes From

You're finally considering transition. You know you're trans—you've probably known for years, maybe decades. But every time you think about actually transitioning, one thought stops you: "I don't deserve this." You think wanting transition is selfish, asking too much, prioritizing yourself when good people are supposed to endure and sacrifice.

After 20 years specializing in transgender adults and conducting over 7,200 comprehensive assessments, I see this pattern constantly: almost every trans adult I work with believes, at some level, that they don't deserve to transition. This belief doesn't come from nowhere—it comes from decades of conditioning. From being told your assigned gender is who you are. From watching your parents sacrifice. From your marriage, your kids, your career, from being older, from internalized shame, from comparing yourself to people with "real" problems.

In this video, I walk through the eight specific sources of the "I don't deserve to transition" belief and explain why self-sacrifice that destroys you isn't virtue—it's self-abandonment. Because here's the truth: you deserve to transition not because you've earned it through suffering, but because you exist.

Watch this video to understand where your belief that you don't deserve transition comes from, and why you don't need permission to stop performing and start living.