How Do I Know if My Teen’s New Gender Identity Will Last?
With more and more teenagers coming out identifying as trans and nonbinary, parents are seeking help in trying to understand whether these newly expressed gender identities will last?
What the parents are really looking for is a difference between experimentation stage of one’s gender expression versus a true sense of gender identity. In other words, how to know whether this period will persist?
These are important questions. Especially since many parents will not consent to minor’s medical treatment unless they have some level of certainty.
“How do we know this will last?” is one of the top questions parents ask me, as they nervously stare, hoping there is a psychological test I can administer yielding 100% certainty.
My answer is always the same. “We don’t know.” Followed by, “the issue has less to do with certainty and more with observing persistence over desistence.” With desistence meaning the cessation of expressed gender behavior over time.
Now while there are teens dead certain about their gender identity, parents are seldom interested in their self-reports and more with professional opinions.
Hence it is important to shift the focus from certainty, which is often an imaginary chase, to persistence vs desistence.
PERSISTENCE IN CHILDREN & ADOLESCENTS
Persistence is usually observed over the span of the teen history.
Starting around the age of 2-4, up to the current age. Here we look at the expression of gender history starting in early childhood up to today.
It is important to keep in mind that many teens do not report history of cross-dressing behavior in childhood.
That’s primarily because cross-dressing, or any self expression of true gender identity, is highly correlated with the surrounding environment.
The more supportive and open the environment, and by environment I mean family, peers, and friends, the more likely a child will feel safe to express who they are. The reverse is also true.
But most importantly, we pay attention to puberty. Why? Because that’s the period when adolescents reach sexual maturity. During this period, secondary sex characteristics develop. These secondary sex characteristics are features such as pubic hair, breast development in females, and facial hair in males.
Puberty, almost always marks an onset or intensification of gender dysphoria. During this period, teens express a persistent dissatisfaction with body parts or gendered anatomy.
AMAB individuals (assigned male at birth) teens often express increased dysphoria about genitals, deepening of the voice, facial hair, and overall body build. Whereas AFAB individuals (assigned female at birth) express dysphoria about their breasts, menarche, and broadening of the hips.
For many teens, it is puberty which marks the time period when they realize their true sense of gender identity. If as children they didn’t have the right words to express themselves, or the environment in which to be open, as teenagers they often do.
DESISTENCE IN CHILDHOOD & ADOLESCENTS
Desistence is another factor we look for along the side of persistence.
For teens not suffering from Gender Dysphoria, desistence often takes place. Meaning, the experimentation or expression of various genders ceases as they figure out who they are.
For more clarity I recommend reading What’s the Difference Between Gender Identity vs Gender Expression?
Another way to see persistence vs desistence is identity vs social role desire. An example would be “I am a girl” vs “I want to be a girl.” The emphasis on a deeper sense of self is clearly evident here.
As we can see, certainty is hard to define. For this reason, in answering “How do we know this will last?” we look for persistence vs desistence. To an experienced gender therapist, the difference between gender identity vs social role desire becomes quickly evident after several sessions with the teen.
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MEET dr z
Clinical Psychologist specializing in gender issues, writer, speaker & DR Z PHD YouTube creator