Human Resources! 3 Mistakes to Avoid When Employee Comes Out at Work.

The responsibilities of Human Resources are vast and vary from company to company.

Dealing with human beings is THE nucleus of the job description, making it a challenging undertaking.

Especially when it comes to employees coming out at work as transgender. A personal, intimate, and oftentimes a vulnerable experience for many.

Depending on the size of the company and its infrastructure, when employees come out at work, HR is often the first person they see.

This is the most likely scenario for employees who don’t have any idea, plan, or course of action on how to navigate coming out within a company.

Hence, they are looking at Human Resources personnel for assistance, support, and a clear outline of steps to take.

It is important for HR to be not only equipped with some form of knowledge of transgender individuals’ experience, but also to be mindful of potential issues that harm more than assist.

Here are the 3 biggest mistakes to avoid when an employee contacts you expressing desire to come out at work.

#1 HIGHJACKING THE NARRATIVE

This is perhaps the biggest mistake I witness HR make. What does it means to highjack the narrative?

Highjacking narrative occurs when you pre-suppose how the coming out should happen, including narrating any written information employee wishes to convey.

To avoid making this mistake remember you are dealing with a person who has decided, for various reasons, to share something as personal as their gender identity in the workplace. This is an experience cis gendered people never think about nor stress about.

This employee already may have their own thoughts and ideas on how they wish to come out.

Thus it is important to always ask first whether they have any thoughts on how their coming out should unfold and look. How much or how little of their personal experience would they like to share? Do they have a timeline in mind?

If, however, they have no clue and are looking to you for assistance and navigation, this is where you can mindfully help them create a plan while also incorporating the above questions into account.

But by all means, do not highjack their coming out experience. Do not stick to a cookie cutter company approach or policy. Coming out at workplace is an individualistic experience embedded in needs and wishes of each individual.

#2 BEING UNDERPREPARED

If you have never undergone something as simple as trans 101 diversity training or LGBTQI+ training, you are severely underprepared.

In the very least you need to have an awareness that transgender people may, if not already, be employed by the company. And while some people never decide to come out at work for personal reasons, many do.

Being underprepared is less about having the “right” forms and policies in place and more about your lack of acknowledgment that trans folks even exist, most likely right underneath your nose!

If you haven’t had diversity training as an HR, it is highly advisable to obtain one. Including offering diversity training to the rest of employees and managers of the company.

#3 OVERCOMPLICATING THINGS

I can’t stress this enough: less is more! Especially when it comes to something as personal as coming out in the workplace.

Personally, I advise my clients to come out in a simple email format that includes:

• expressing they identify as their preferred gender

• sharing their preferred pronouns and name if they feel ready

• and if they are going through or plan to go through transition, one brief line stating that and that there will be changes in their gender expression

I highly recommend avoiding a long personal sharing of how long people have been struggling with gender dysphoria, what if any transition steps or surgeries they plan on having, or how the experience has been for them this far.

This is advisable given the personal nature of coming out and that it is neither permission nor validation seeking on employee’s part, but simply informing others about the changes they are about to go through.

If it so happens that the employee would personally like to indulge in more personal sharing, that should be discussed within the parameters of just how personal. However, in my experience, people prefer to keep it short, sweet, and to the point.