What if I’am Not 100% Sure to Start HRT?
When it comes to starting HRT, rarely have I observed people claiming to be 100% sure! That’s normal. It’s even healthy to have a degree of uncertainty. That’s because you are about to embark on a regimen that will alter your physical and psychological Self. While exciting, it is also terrifying.
You may find yourself feeling unsure for various reasons. Questioning your gender identity. Terror of starting transition. Fear of not passing. Coming out as trans. Financial anxiety. Health concerns.
People tend to fall into two categories when feeling ambivalent about starting HRT. Those who are uncertain about their gender identity. And those who are certain about their gender identity but feel unsure about transition.
Find yourself in the first category? Know that you are not alone! Many trans people feel uncertain about their gender identity. To be more precise - they know they are trans. But have a small nagging feeling of “what if I am not?”
Recognize that nagging feeling. Sit with it. Name it. Is it coming from a place of fear? Are you afraid of what others might think? Scared you might not pass?
Or is it coming from a place of Self doubt? Questioning your gender expression vs gender identity vs gender role? If that’s the case, allow yourself time to explore. Experiment with gender expression and the gender role you feel more comfortable with.
Maybe you find yourself in the second group. Certain of your gender idenity but questioning whether you should start transition? Stop and acknowledge the validity of your feelings!
Look. Gender transition is a serious business. And incredibly costly at that. Both financially and emotionally. Often with personal losses. And you are supposed to feel 100% certain about it?!?
Sure you may feel 100% certain that’s what you want to do. Questioning whether now is a right time is another matter. That’s why many trans people are almost never 100% sure when they start HRT.
In fact, starting HRT with some room for uncertainty is necessary. Why? Because it forces you to dig deep and ask yourself important questions about your gender identity.
The goal here is not to achieve 100% certainty. But to engage in gender transition related steps, including HRT, to affirm your sense of identity. Every step of the way ask yourself if what you are doing feels right! If it is, then know you are on the right path.
If you continue to question your gender identity or feel your uncertainty increasing, stop. Engage in additional self exploration. This can range from engaging in therapy to attending gender diverse groups to journaling about your feelings. The list is endless.
But realize that many trans people are not 100% sure! So stop chasing percentages and start living.