Can You TRUST Your Gender Feelings?

Dr. Z addresses a very common question: How can you trust your feelings when they're telling you something about your gender identity—especially when you're so accustomed to rejecting how you feel, when your head communicates one thing but your feelings say something else?

Should you trust your feelings?

No, you should not immediately trust your feelings. Feelings are often misleading. They're fleeting, not constant—transient, not static. One day you feel a particular set of emotions, the next day something else. Feelings fluctuate with time and experiences.

So how do you trust feelings about gender identity?

Be mindful not to immediately trust feelings you feel instantaneously. Instead, pay attention to whether that feeling keeps coming back. You're not paying attention to a feeling—you're paying attention to a pattern that feeling presents.

If every time you engage in intimacy, you feel discomfort about your body, again and again—that's a pattern. If every time people gender you based on assigned gender, you feel discomfort, again and again—that's a pattern. That pattern is trying to tell you something.

In this video, Dr. Z addresses:

Why feelings are transient but patterns matter. How years of gaslighting yourself make trusting patterns difficult. Why male-assigned-at-birth individuals have extra challenges (socialized to dismiss feelings as "for girls"). How to dig deeper once you identify a pattern (journaling, asking "why do I feel this way?"). The difference between body insecurity and gender dysphoria.