"I'm Not Doing Enough": The Trap Older Trans Women Fall Into by Dr. Z

If your egg just cracked at 40+ and you're now stepping into transition, you're probably feeling it: I'm not doing enough. I'm not moving fast enough. Something's missing.

This feeling is incredibly prevalent for older trans women. You look back and wish you'd started sooner. You look ahead and realize how much time you've already lost. Hormones take longer when you've had decades of testosterone exposure. Voice training, electrolysis, learning makeup, finding your style—it all takes time. And you're stumbling through learning womanhood in your 40s, 50s, 60s, while younger trans women on Instagram post filtered outcomes that make it look effortless.

So you start frantically asking: What else can I add? What am I missing? Am I doing the right hormone dosages? Is my electrologist terrible? There must be some secret others know that I don't.

There is no secret.

Social media shows you outcomes—never the messy middle of transition. Those younger women aren't posting their struggles.

The brutal truth: You're tearing yourself to shreds internally by chasing a fabricated timeline that doesn't exist.

Stop asking "Am I doing enough?" and start asking "What are my goals right now—not five years from now, but today?" Acknowledge that even though change takes time, you're already in a vastly better position than when you were living in denial. Each day compounds. The hard work does add up. And eventually, the moment arrives when things click—when connection to your womanhood becomes primary, and chasing external validation becomes secondary.