Here is Why You May Have Low Self Esteem Post Transition!
You completed transition and achieved congruency—so why do you still feel bad about yourself? Dr. Z explains the internalized hateful script.
You achieved your gender goals, you feel congruent, you achieved the level of passability/confidence/expression/identity/representation at your core. Theoretically, you should feel confident and happy. Instead, you're feeling self-defeated, inner hatred, lack of confidence, really low self-esteem. Why?
Confidence accumulates with experience and is supported by other people. When struggling with gender dysphoria, you also struggled with tremendous guilt and shame—creating very negative internal dialogue about yourself. You spent years internalizing hate, telling yourself hateful, awful things as a human being. This is byproduct of guilt and shame.
Even when you transition and achieve congruency, that internalized hatred is still there. Example: overweight person who loses weight and achieves dream body doesn't suddenly feel confident—they wake up feeling depressed because the internal dialogue remains.
When you grew up telling yourself "I'm disgusting, sinful, unwanted, unlovable, a freak" for expressing your gender, that script becomes introjected with your identity. When you achieve congruency, that script doesn't vanish.
Watch to find out why you need to notice the narrative running in your head, how society superimposed this script on top of what you created, and why therapy helps change the narrative (like trauma work—restructuring memory to see from different point of view).
