3 Signs You’re Ready to Work With a Gender Specialist!

First, let’s clarify the difference between a gender specialist and therapists who market themselves as such.

Today, with the increased awareness of gender, there has been an increased flow of mental health providers marketing their services as “LGBTQ friendly” or “gender therapist.” The truth is that the majority of these providers have only worked with very few gender-diverse clients and have a minimal understanding of the breadth and depth of gender issues.

A gender specialist, on the other hand, is a mental health provider who has extensive experience and knowledge working solely or primarily with gender-diverse populations with the main focus on gender issues and nothing else. Hence, the specialty or expertise within a field of gender.

As an example, I am a nationally recognized gender specialist with 18 years of work experience focusing solely on working with transgender and nonbinary adults. In fact, in my private practice, I don’t take on clients unless they struggle with gender dysphoria, gender identity issues, or any concerns related to gender.

When it comes down to choosing a therapist to help you resolve or clarify any concerns related to gender, finding one who is either a gender specialist or has adequate experience is important. As a gender specialist, I know firsthand how difficult it is to find a provider who truly specializes in gender.

A bigger question for many is, how do you know when you are ready to work with one? Here are my top 3 signs you are ready to work with a gender specialist!

#1 Tired of coping with dysphoria and uncertainty and getting nowhere!

So many of you have been coping with gender dysphoria or uncertainty about your gender identity, some ranging from 1-2 years and others decades! That’s a lot of suffering endured and a lot of gender anxiety to live with, and as I always say, “gender dysphoria isn’t inconvenient, it’s excruciating.”

Many of you by now have utilized every single coping you can possibly imagine, and yet still wake up feeling dysphoria or that nagging gender anxiety of not knowing what your gender is. For some of you, it has started to take a toll on your health and relationships in your life.

This is your first sign you are ready to work with a gender specialist! The truth is, most people feel scared and terrified to reach out to a professional for help, afraid to hear what they may already be thinking. Many fear the only answer to their distress is gender transition, which is not true! While gender transition is an option, it is not the only way to help alleviate gender dysphoria.

If you are tired of coping and getting nowhere, it’s time to reach out to a gender specialist. Experienced gender specialists should be able to immediately offer some form of clarity and direction within 1-2 sessions, diminishing your pain and anxiety and offering guidance and support.

#2 You are tired of living with guilt and shame, constantly putting your needs and your health aside!

Some of you may feel a strong resonance to this sign as you are starting to hit a wall of exhaustion, immersed in thoughts of self-loathing, or flooded with feelings of guilt and shame. It can be painful to wake up one day and realize you are leaving yourself behind as you continue to please those around you.

You are not alone in feeling this way! Many have adopted a coping mechanism of pleasing everyone around them in order to feel loved and connected, fearing abandonment if they shared their inner truth. This common tactic is eventually bound to hit rock bottom because each of us has a deep-seated center of self-worth and self-love, even if you can’t feel it right now.

Additionally, living a life full of guilt and shame is no way to live a life, as it robs you of joy, happiness, and your true potential. Eventually, everyone has their breaking point when the inner “I” wakes up and shouts: “Enough is enough!”

If this is you, recognize this is a huge billboard sign beckoning you to reach out to a professional and start addressing issues that have taken a toll on you.

#3 You are working with a so-called “gender therapist” but are nowhere closer to your goals!

I am going to be honest with you; this sign is a pet peeve of mine. No, it’s more than that. It makes me furious and angry with colleagues in my field who are prolonging the pain and suffering through their lack of knowledge and experience.

You may have experienced this firsthand. Working with a therapist who claims to be a “gender therapist,” only to find yourself months and months into weekly therapy with no sign of clarity on your gender concerns. Or being told archaic, non-safe advice of having to live in your gender identity for 6 months to a year before they can refer you for hormone therapy (news flash, no referral is required!)

A classic one I hear about is when a client is getting ready for gender-affirming surgery only to be told by their “gender therapist” that they don’t know or don’t write gender-affirming letters, a huge red flag to pay attention to. I have heard many stories of wasted time and, sadly, large amounts of money spent without any results.

Trust me, you are better off paying a specialist, even at a higher per-session cost, to obtain clarity, peace of mind, and clear guidance and direction in a shorter period of time without wasting your time or money.

Your next steps:

If you are ready to take control of your life and to work with a genuine gender specialist, feel free to reach out and set up a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation with me. During the consultation, I can assess whether I am a right fit for you and offer a clear answer on how I would address your challenges if we worked together.