Afraid to Transition? What Your Fear Might be Telling You!
Many of you express feeling scared before starting the gender transition.
This a normal and natural reaction to have as a human being about to undergo a major change in your life.
Many of your fears fall into various categories:
afraid of making a mistake
afraid of losing loved ones
afraid of not passing
afraid of never having a partner
afraid of not being accepted
afraid of medical complications
While these fears may appear different on the surface, I have observed that they fall into two categories.
Understanding which category your fears belong to will help you assess your decision regarding gender transition and will help you clarify the steps you need to take.
FIRST CATEGORY: INTERNALIZED FEARS
The first category of fear related to starting a transition revolves around the internal aspect of the Self.
Often this internalized fear is expressed as:
“I am afraid I will make a mistake.”
Or “I am afraid I will realize I am not transgender.”
As one can see, this fear is related to an inner uncertainty regarding your relationship to your gender identity.
And it is there for a reason!
Often it’s a good indicator that you may need to:
Spend more time exploring your gender.
Engage in a safe exploration of your gender, such as social transition.
Or seek the help of a professional therapist in your area to further process the underlying causes of the fear.
As a professional working with adults, I see internalized fears expressed more in younger individuals, ages 18-25.
And it’s often tied to a lack of inner awareness and a lack of inner relationship to one’s gender.
In my experience, individuals who are certain of their transgender identity and know they want to undergo medical transition seldom experience this category of fear, although it is possible.
If you find yourself in this category, it may be a good indicator to pause and explore your relationship with your desired gender.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you are not transgender. Transgender is a broad umbrella term for individuals who do not identify with all or part of the gender assigned to them at birth.
This could mean you are more comfortable with social transition without undergoing medical transition.
This could also mean you are comfortable with some parts of medical transition but not surgical.
SECOND CATEGORY: EXTERNALIZED FEAR
The second category of fear related to starting a gender transition revolves around exterior situations.
Often this fear is expressed as:
“I am afraid I won’t pass.”
Or “I am afraid I will lose my loved one.”
This fear reflects your sense of Self and ability to handle external events.
As you can see, in contrast to the internalized fear, this fear does not call into question your inner sense of gender identity.
Instead, this fear is rooted in your ability, or lack of it, to handle what may happen due to your transition.
For this reason, you are afraid to transition as you fear what might happen to your surroundings and the people around you if you do.
If you experience this fear, it may be a good indicator to ensure you have all your ducks in order before starting the transition.
Make sure your support system is set up. Ensure you have people around you who can be there for you as you go through the transition.
And if there isn’t anyone in your personal life, is there community support you can rely on?
If you are experiencing fear about starting the transition, investigate and see if you can tell which category it fits best.
Gender transition is a process and a deeply personal one at that. It is often challenging and painful.
Recognizing your fears and understanding what’s at the root of them will help you make better decisions as you move forward with your life.
You may also find the following helpful:
Your Gender is Not an Apology! 3 Steps Toward Self Acceptance.
2 Main Reasons Why Surgical Transition Alone Won't Make You Happy!