Being Misgendered by Family and Friends? | How Your Behavior Enables Them & How to Assert Yourself!
You can't make people do anything—but Dr. Z explains how your behavior may indirectly enable their misgendering to continue.
Reality: Some people just won't use your proper pronouns and name due to their own demons, ignorance, transphobia. But here's what happens with family and long-time friends who have track records of knowing you a particular way: You come out, share your preferred name and pronouns, they misgender you. You correct them initially, but they keep making mistakes. Eventually you stop correcting them—you give up on assertiveness because you feel like a broken record.
When you stop being assertive, you non-verbally communicate: (1) You're okay with them messing up, and (2) They think "I just messed up and wasn't corrected, so maybe they understand how difficult this is for me." This becomes self-justification—their ego knows it's okay to mess up, so they revert to old behavior. You cultivate resentment sitting at family gatherings watching this happen.
Watch to find out why clear verbal communication matters ("hey, wrong name"), the difference between people with win-win mindset who genuinely mess up versus power-over thinking people who refuse, and what boundaries to set with each group.
