Why You Self Sabotage Transition or Acceptance of Who You Are?
Why do you self-sabotage transition if it's what you need? Dr. Z explains why it's normal and how it manifests.
Self-sabotage is when you know you ought to do something good or important for you but find yourself avoiding it, engaging in something else, coming up with justifications why you don't need to do it. Examples: not coming out to partners/family/friends, not taking steps to schedule appointments, sitting on hormone prescription without taking them, not starting hair removal or surgical consultation.
Why sabotage what you need? Gender dysphoria is a beast that attacks you at visceral physical, mental, psychic, emotional levels. You don't know when or how it'll attack. You know you need transition to minimize or get rid of the monster. But let's admit—transition is scary. Dr. Z has yet to meet an adult eager and excited who can't wait. Everyone has fear because transition is not a walk in the park—it's expensive, emotionally difficult, comes with losses and pain, things you don't want and don't deserve to experience.
You don't want potential pain and losses. Another reason: even though living in wrong gender presentation is painful, you've mastered tolerating that pain. You tell yourself "maybe I can tolerate it longer versus being confronted with whole new pain in transition woods."
Watch to find out how self-sabotage manifests (avoidance when dysphoria quiets, not following appointments, sitting on prescriptions, dropping voice classes/electrolysis/binding), and why you're trading pain with no exit for pain with possibility of exit.
