What if Your Partner Say They Will Leave if You Transition.
What to do when you tell your partner you need to transition and they absolutely tell you no? Dr. Z explains.
You're in a partnership (legal marriage, domestic partnership, intimate relationship—whatever partnership means for you, you're coupled with somebody). You decide you need your next steps or gender transition to alleviate what you're suffering with. You tell your partner you need to do this and your partner absolutely tells you no. What to do?
Big difference between resistant and hesitant partners: Hesitant partner says "I'm not so sure, I'm not ready yet, I need to see a therapist, maybe we need couples therapy, I need to learn more about what transition entails, I'm not sure if I'm still going to be attracted to you, I'm not sure if I can be with somebody of a different gender, I'm not sure how it's going to affect our relationship." This partner still has their foot in the relationship, is still in it, but is trying to find a way to navigate the waters of transition alongside you. That's a very different scenario.
Today's question: Partner who absolutely categorically tells you no—almost sending you an ultimatum, telling you "if you're going to transition, I'm done, I'm leaving you." What to do?
Watch to find out why in Dr. Z's opinion there's not much you can do (if they're telling you categorically no, that's how they're feeling—you have to respect people's decisions, everybody comes into relationships with different views/values/ideals, everybody has concepts of what relationship is, some things are deal breakers and non-negotiable for some people whether you debate if it's right or wrong), why it's actually good they're being upfront (so you can find other elements of support instead of them saying "oh I'll be there for sure" then walking away as transition unfolds), why Dr. Z can't judge you for deciding not to transition (you also have your own limits—for some people being in relationship is much more betterment for their health than transitioning and alleviating dysphoria but doing it alone), and why your options are: (1) put transition aside and stay in relationship (not Dr. Z's primary choice because your health is very important), or (2) respect your partner's decision, part ways, and take care of your health.
