Why Playing With the Dial Button to Please Others Doesn't Work!
Dr. Z talks about what happens when you play with the dial—a metaphor for dialing yourself up or down—in order to please people around you, avoid conflict, and maintain the status quo. The dial represents part of you regarding your gender identity that you want to express physically in gender presentation, or things you want to start doing regarding gender identity (preferred pronouns, authentic name, starting hormones, gender-affirming surgical procedures, or other aspects).
You toy with the dial by either dialing it up toward what you want to do, need to do, and how you want to show up—or dialing it way down to please others, avoid conflict, or preserve the status quo. This happens most frequently in long-term relationships, marriages, careers, and work environments—spheres where you have life situated and most time invested.
The critical truth: no matter how low you dial down—no matter how minimally you show up as your authentic self—if people don't have your well-being at heart and understand that this isn't just an expression but your mental and physical health, you will never appease them. When you dial way down, you alter your frequency of who you are, showing up differently, talking differently, attracting people on par with that low frequency when you need to be way high up.
Watch to understand why you can never please people who disagree with your authenticity—whether your dial is low or high.
