Your Gender is Not an Apology! 3 Steps Toward Self Acceptance.
Self-acceptance is an essential step in your gender transition!
And in my professional opinion, it is more crucial than any other steps along the transition path.
That’s because self-acceptance resides at the core of who you are.
Like a nucleus, it takes residence at a depth of your inner self, from which all your relationships and interactions with the world occur.
But what is self-acceptance? And most importantly, how does one get to the point of finally integrating this concept into your whole being?
Simply put, self-acceptance is your satisfaction or happiness with yourself. Self-acceptance involves self-understanding who you are, derived from a realistic awareness of your strengths and weaknesses.
Only after looking at your strengths and weaknesses can you step back and accept all aspects of yourself—those parts you see as bad, good, desirable, and undesirable.
Self-acceptance doesn’t mean you don’t want things to change. Nor does it mean letting go of the pain and hurt you may feel.
Instead, self-acceptance is stepping into the now and recognizing what is what as objectively as you can.
To accept things about you without judgment, shame, guilt, or any other negative feelings we tend to attach to ourselves.
For transgender people, self-acceptance is often a challenging step. This is primarily due to the inner transphobia you experience.
And trust me, everyone carries a shred of transphobia as a by-product of living in a very transphobic world!
Self-acceptance, while it may be difficult to achieve, is not only possible but is necessary both for your mental health and your overall well-being.
Here are three steps toward self-acceptance you can start implementing today!
STEP 1: CLAIM IT!
Your gender is not an apology! Let me repeat it. Your gender is NOT an apology!
The first step toward self-acceptance is to claim what is rightfully yours.
Even if you strongly feel you didn’t ask to have gender issues or be born with gender dysphoria. It doesn’t change the fact that it belongs to you.
And while it may be difficult to overcome, accept, or transition to a desired gender, your gender is yours to claim.
You do not need to apologize to anyone for who you are. Whether you see what you are going through as a blessing or a curse.
You are NOT a burden. You are NOT a pariah. You are NOT a sick person. You are NOT delusional.
You are a human being who is either struggling with gender dysphoria or is en route to explore their relationship to their gender.
You are dehumanizing yourself by not claiming this part of who you are.
As a result, you are sending micro messages to others that it is OK to dehumanize you. Because, see, I am not human.
Stop disowning a big part of who you are. By doing so, you are letting others abuse you.
Claim it. Claim all of you! Without judgment, shame, guilt, or hate. Just as is.
STEP 2: OWN IT!
Once you claim a part of yourself you have been disowning; you are now ready to own it.
Ownership means you have the power and control to choose what to do.
Owning parts of yourself lets you decide what’s best for you and your well-being.
Ashleigh Brilliant said, “I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.” Talk about a great example of what ownership looks like.
When you no longer cast away parts of yourself you find undesirable, you can start enacting healthy, positive change by owning them.
This includes steps toward transition, whether social, medical, or surgical.
STEP 3: LIVE IT!
After claiming and owning parts of yourself, you are now ready to begin living.
Which includes unapologetic living of your life and of who you are!
Because remember, you are not seeking permission or validation to be who you are.
While validation from others is something we tend to seek out of our social instinct, it is nonetheless a want and not a need.
This final step in self-acceptance is about letting your actions speak louder than your words.
In this step, you begin living by following your truth and vision of who you are!
It is living proof of your achievement of accepting your strengths and weaknesses, desirable parts, and undesirable aspects of who you are.
While living it may come with challenges, it is overall progress, not perfection, that’s important toward achieving overall happiness.
These three steps toward self-acceptance don’t just happen overnight.
Neither is it a linear process and at times, you may find yourself reverting to a need to claim who you are after some time of living it.
Self-acceptance is an ongoing practice! Akin to a healthy lifestyle where you may occasionally eat unhealthy food but overall maintain healthy eating habits.
It takes time, dedication, patience, and self-love to master self-acceptance of who you are.
Ultimately, it is always worth it as you become a happier, healthier human being.