Here is Why You Feel Worse vs Better After Coming Out to Your Partner!
You came out to your partner expecting relief but feel worse—Dr. Z explains why your anchor was yanked away.
You came out to your partner about being transgender. You expected pressure to lift, anxiety to go away, breathing room to deal with dysphoria. Instead, you feel completely lost, alienated, more dysphoric and stagnant than before coming out. Why?
You were hoping for supportive reactions: "I can't imagine what it's been like, let's try to make this work" or "I love you no matter what" or "Give me time to digest." You wanted breathing room to make decisions and set plans. But your partner gave you a big red stop sign—resistance, pushback: "I don't think you need to transition, this is a deal breaker, I'm giving you an ultimatum, if you do this I'm leaving, you'll ruin our life/career/children's lives/circle of friends."
Dr. Z's metaphor: Your partner was your anchor. Partners keep us grounded—that's why you coped with dysphoria for years. The relationship was your home base. When your partner gave you a red stop sign, they yanked the anchor away. Now your ship is orbiting the wide ocean without grounding anchor—no sense of direction, no navigation, no idea where you're going or ending up.
Watch to find out why you temporarily lost your anchor, why this is an opportunity to re-evaluate what anchor means and how to anchor yourself within yourself, and why some initially resistant partners change their opinion as things go along.
